I found the most sensational thing today.
It’s rare to find something that makes you cry, laugh, and smile at the same time.
I’m moving soon and, in the process of going through my old things, I found a note I wrote to myself close to two years ago. This note was written about a week before I had a breakdown, the same breakdown that led to my awakening.
At the time, I was on a downward spiral—suicidal, self-destructive, and isolated. Every day just got more and more painful, and every day I tried harder and harder to take the pain away, any way I could. Beyond my dominating facade, few people around me knew just how much mind space I was devoting to thoughts of suicide.
And then, someone was kind to me. And, in that moment, for just a second, I got a shred of hope.
And this is what I wrote.
“You know, this feeling may pass and I will likely forget all about it and think that this note is not real, only the pain is. But, just now, for one second, I felt like everything would be okay. Remember that you can still feel that next time you’re thinking about leaving this world. You’ll be okay, Vironika. I know you. You’re strong and beautiful and you’ve got life by the balls. Never forget that.
I can’t tell you that it was all downhill from there, because it wasn’t. I still had to learn my lesson the hard way and I still had to suffer to heal all the wounds I was too busy bandaging for years.
But this note, this precious little note, it just goes to show: there’s always hope. There’s always the possibility for hope. And hope is one of the most beautiful gifts any of us can give someone.
Zig Ziglar once said, “When you see someone without a smile, give them yours.”
You never know what people are going through. When I wrote this note, I lived in an armoured fortress in my isolated, sick mind, miles away from everyone else. I was hiding a mental illness from everyone around me, pretending like everything was okay.
So, smile. Be kind. Be generous. Who knows how many lives your love can save?