An absolutely fascinating picture of a note I wrote to myself in the midst of feeling suicidal and self-destructive. It's a picture of hope.
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What Hope Looks Like

I found the most sensational thing today.

It’s rare to find something that makes you cry, laugh, and smile at the same time.

I’m moving soon and, in the process of going through my old things, I found a note I wrote to myself close to two years ago. This note was written about a week before I had a breakdown, the same breakdown that led to my awakening.

At the time, I was on a downward spiralβ€”suicidal, self-destructive, and isolated. Every day just got more and more painful, and every day I tried harder and harder to take the pain away, any way I could. Beyond my dominating facade, few people around me knew just how much mind space I was devoting to thoughts of suicide.

And then, someone was kind to me. And, in that moment, for just a second, I got a shred of hope.

And this is what I wrote.

An absolutely fascinating picture of a note I wrote to myself in the midst of feeling suicidal and self-destructive. It's a picture of hope.

“You know, this feeling may pass and I will likely forget all about it and think that this note is not real, only the pain is. But, just now, for one second, I felt like everything would be okay. Remember that you can still feel that next time you’re thinking about leaving this world. You’ll be okay, Vironika. I know you. You’re strong and beautiful and you’ve got life by the balls. Never forget that.

I can’t tell you that it was all downhill from there, because it wasn’t. I still had to learn my lesson the hard way and I still had to suffer to heal all the wounds I was too busy bandaging for years.

But this note, this precious little note, it just goes to show: there’s always hope. There’s always the possibility for hope. And hope is one of the most beautiful gifts any of us can give someone.

Zig Ziglar once said, “When you see someone without a smile, give them yours.”

You never know what people are going through. When I wrote this note, I lived in an armoured fortress in my isolated, sick mind, miles away from everyone else. I was hiding a mental illness from everyone around me, pretending like everything was okay.

So, smile. Be kind. Be generous. Who knows how many lives your love can save?


15 thoughts on “What Hope Looks Like

  1. Koyoto Shadow

    “If you don’t like what you see, be the change you want to be.” -K.D.S.

  2. Hemat Malak

    Your sharing is such a gift, thank you Vironika!
    That transparency is a blessing and I pray many many people will find hope through your words.

    1. Vironika

      Thank you for your kind words, Hemat! The more I share honestly, the more others share honestly, the easier it becomes for me to share honestly, and on and on. And, then, world peace in no time. πŸ™‚

  3. Philo Yan

    My life has more ups than downs, so I cannot honestly say I have been anywhere near what you have experienced and courageous to share here nor begin to understand it.

    However, I hope that for people who are at the brink of despair will find this article and be consoled and uplifted at the same time.

    Be Well and Keep sharing!

    1. Vironika

      Thank you, Philo. I hope so too! I hope to break the silence! Thank you for taking a moment to comment πŸ™‚

  4. Yve

    Beautiful and very poignant; Vironika. Thank you… πŸ™‚

    1. Vironika

      Thank you for reading, Yve <3

  5. Juliemrae

    Wow, what beautiful honesty and truth you express with such courage, Vironika. The strength you have and process is amazing:)Thank you for sharing…

    1. Vironika

      Thank you Julie! <3

  6. Christopher Jennings Penders

    I connected w/this very deeply as I was in the same place several years ago myself. Here’s my story:

    No one is ever alone. We all share similar events. We all go through this life together.

    1. Vironika

      We certainly do, Christopher πŸ™‚ Thank you for reading and sharing.

  7. Katy

    Wow! Hope really does spring eternal!How wonderful that you found this note when you can appreciate it to its fullest with clear thoughts! I’m glad you found hope and this note! Even in the darkness, Vironika’s wise “goddess within” knew the truth! Beautiful indeed!

    1. Vironika

      That’s what I thought, Katy! How fortunate am I to find pieces of the past within a present that can truly understand them. I am so grateful, too, for your stopping by to leave your thoughts, my friend. So much love to you!

  8. Nils Anders Lunde

    Have NO fear! πŸ™‚
    We are each and one of us exactly where we should be at all times and there IS a meaning to everything πŸ™‚ A smile is very poweful πŸ™‚

    1. Vironika

      So true, Nils. If I hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t be here. If I had not touched that bottom, I would not know how to swim deeply to help others. πŸ™‚

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