An intimate look at why trying to be beautiful is a recipe for suffering, and how to realize your own beauty without hurting yourself.

“Once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

~The Velveteen Rabbit

I tried so hard and for so long to be beautiful. I really did. Somehow, even those moments of confident self-confidence did not make up for the correlated weeks of disgusted self-loathing.

Someone very wise once told me that, when people get stuck, they resist the realization that they’re doing the wrong things, but they welcome the idea that they’re not doing enough of what they’re already doing.

So I would spend more money, more time, more brain space on trying to be beautiful.

In the end, my search for beauty was nothing short of an addiction. The periods of suffering got longer as the periods of self-confidence got shorter and less powerful. My thoughts became almost entirely devoted to thoughts of inadequacy. I couldn’t hear compliments. I could only hear words that proved that I was, in fact, ugly. I could see nothing beyond my sick, desperate need to become beautiful.

If you would have told my previous self that she could feel beautiful by throwing away her makeup, she would have laughed in your face. If you’d have told her that masks can be ugly, while real human beings cannot, she’d have walked away.

We’re taught that beauty is something we have to earn by buying things. Some people curse the beauty companies for manipulating of our minds.

I think, more important than cursing those who seek to make you feel ugly, the most important thing is to understand why beauty products sell. They sell you back to yourself. They sell you beauty because you have an innate desire to feel beautiful. You have that desire because you already are beautiful.

The desire to be beautiful is, simply, the desire to be yourself.

I challenge you, if you have ever struggled with beauty, to go out today and really put your beauty beliefs to the test. I challenge you to take a look at everything else in nature—clouds, birds, trees. Are they ugly? Can they be?

I challenge you to seek beauty in everything and everyone around you, to keep looking until you find it and to then seek it in yourself. The ability to see beauty in everything is the only way to see beauty in yourself, to love yourself as you are.

And seeing the beauty that is already inherent within you—that’s the only way that beauty becomes more than a painful addiction and transforms into a cultivated awareness, a lens for the present moment, a way of life.

What will you do to find more beauty in yourself and in the world today?


6 thoughts on “Real Can’t Be Ugly, So Let Yourself Be Beautiful

  1. Vironika, you are truly wise beyond your years. I felt so much when I read your thoughts and yours are thoughts that should be shared with the world; thank you for sharing them with me. Caring for my Mom has greatly limited my time recently, so if I don’t reply quickly, that’s why. Thank you again for sharing with me and I look forward to more of your posts.

    1. Thank YOU Dorothy… I know how difficult it can be to pull away from being a caregiver. How wonderful that you take the time to inspire your heart and mind. That is so important, especially when we are put in a position of caring, especially caring for those who once cared for us. I send you my best wishes and all the love in the universe, Dorothy.

  2. Thank you Vironika. Someone gave me a copy of the “Velveteen Rabbit” years ago and it has remained an inspiration for me since then and as you say ” a way of life”. At times when my confidence as a person has been called into question it has been there reminding me just what I am worth. It’s a precious book. A few years ago a dear friend of mine died far too young . At the end of his life what he wanted to know was that he had like the velveteen rabbit achieved reality because then he could go in peace. Indeed he was ” real” in every way. He had been loved and he had loved until all his fur was loved off. Authenticity brings us peace and love and they are always beautiful to those who look at us. Love this blog.

    1. Yes, Susanna. Isn’t it beautiful how he Velveteen Rabbit drops just the tiniest drop of spirituality into a young mind? It reminds us that we are more than a body, that we deserve to be loved for more than just our external form. So beautiful.

  3. Excellent piece, full of beautiful insight and honesty!
    Your challenge to see the beauty in everyone and everything “…keep looking until you find it” – I love that!
    Thank you very much for this Vironika – your work is bringing more Love into the world : )))

    1. Thank you for reading, Hemat. It really is the most worthy search. It is the search for truth itself, because after all truth is beauty and beauty is truth. Love you, my friend.

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